Just a rehash

I was going down memory lane tonight. looking back over some old posts. Just curious what I`d written a few years ago. I found a couple that moved me in some way or another. The one I copied for today was one of those I felt had something to say. As I`ve said before, the things that happen to us through our life shape the person we are going to become.

It`s been so long since I`ve used a hyperlink I`ve forgotten how to do it.
I was thinking through the post a couple of days ago about the motorcycle club TV show.
I thought I`d written a few things about that time of my life, but I realized I had it in a different place. So in the process of rereading it and thinking it relevant to that post, I simply copied it and posted it right here.
So here it is....Just another thing that was one of those times that shape a mans life.
Some things are so momentous, they are never buried very deep.


Friday, March 24, 2006

Well, it`s over....Finally
Wow, that was a wild few days, I was really out there a good ways. I really lost my cool. Thats what I get for letting the guard down.I`d of handled it differently a few years ago. Then, I was full of piss and vineger, now I`m just full of shit. Oh well, it`s a new day.
I slid over to Mikeys because we`ve been friends a long time, and he would know the place I was in.
We smoked a few, drank some Buds, laughed and bullshitted about the really crazy days when neither one of us expected to live past thirty.
He stuck a bottle of Jose in the freezer, let it get good and cold. I`m here to tell you that ice cold tequila goes down SOOOO smooth. I threw down some shots, and really laughed for the first time in a few months.

Mike and I have been through some serious shit together on more than one occasion.
We`ve spent many a night out on the town.The real problem with being one or two of you out partying, is the stupid mother fuckers who get some hair up their ass, that they and their buddies are going to kick some biker ass.The street people, and people in the know, don`t fuck with you because they already know the consequences of such folly. The problems ,are the ones who just aren`t smart enough to see the big picture. Yeah, a good enough bunch of assholes can always kick your ass, but they don`t understand that within the hour, if not sooner, there will be ten, twenty, or more, very angry people kicking the living shit out of them. and destroying their home, or the bar they are in....and in the process, generally kicking the shit out of anybody they don`t know.
It is that,..... an absolute certainty of extremely violent reprisal, ....that allows bikers to go about their lives relatively safely, whether alone or just a couple of you.
I just put it out there, you don`t need to agree or disagree, That is the way it was.
We had a great time reliving the really fucked up and crazy life we`ve lived. I never would have believed I would live this long. Drunken nights at 3AM, seeing how fast we could ride, drag racing anyone we could find. Standing up on my seat at 60-70 mph, like the blue eyed bitch always did. Only managed it once myself, and dammed near crashed in the process. It was the last time I tried that shit! God, I miss those days.

I`ll just tell you one quick story. I have to be careful how I tell it though.
I`d just met this bunch of guys (a club) and was hanging out, trying to be cool. I rode with them for a few months and seemed to be getting into the swing of things, when something happened.

What exactly, I can`t go into, because I`ve not been real careful about who and where I am. I have no desire to face the consequences of running my mouth too much.I received a call from one of the bunch who told me that something had come down and I was being asked if I was just a guy who was a hang around or was I a serious player. Did I ride for the good times or all the times.
Not really knowing what I was getting into, I of course said I was one serious mother fucker and how could he question me like that.
One of the bunch had commited a serious violation of standards of conduct. He was going to be beaten and sent packing. He was well liked by most all, but he had to go.I was picked up and taken with several of the guys to the meeting place. We arrived at the house the thing was supposed to happen at. I was left outside as I wasn`t an insider. The guy who was being sent packing had his brother there. The brother was not an insider either, so he set in the back yard with me.
My friend "V", who I have written of before calls me aside and hands me a gun and say`s " if his brother gets involved, shoot the mother fucker!"
WHAT?...WHAT THE FUCK?... ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? WHO DO YOU THINK IAM !
Well, thats what I thought to myself anyway.

All "V" saw, was me look him in the eye, and nod my head in assent. The other guy and I sat in the back yard, he on a swing, and me on a picnic table. Looking at each other, not a word said. He knew, and I knew, it was the way it was.
The time to back out was long past.
The rest of the night went better than I hoped. The deed was done and two left that night, not one. I didn`t have to shoot the guy. ......It sounds so cold now, as I look back on it. But, my emotions were going a hundred miles an hour.I left for home that night after partying till 4 am.

If you want to know, ..yes, I would have shot him. There was no doubt in my mind that he was also armed. Sometimes, you just get caught up in the moment, and there isn`t shit you can do , except play it out and hope you get through it.
But, I`d never felt so alive, so on the edge of a moment I knew I`d never forget.
The code of ethics in that subculture, is far more stringent than the ones you live by. And, the penalties are far more severe. Just as I looked "V" in the eyes and nodded assent, that gesture in that world is no less binding than if I took down a bible and swore on it.
When I nodded,... he had to believe that I had his (their) back, assuring that the guys brother wasn`t going to suddenly burst in on them guns ablaze so to speak. I don`t need explain the consequences of cowardice on my part. But it went my way, and I gained much from that episode. Another one of those pivitol moments.
Every club has hang arounds, some are cool, some are punks. Some hang around wanting membership because the club offers power,money, influence, sex, drugs and more. They do not want or really care about brotherhood, true brotherhood. Most often they are referred to as "Patch Hunters" although that term encompasses more than just my brief description.

I only tell this because Mike and I were reliving a lot of shit and that was a pivotal moment in my young life. Thats why when I talk about maybe getting killed, I`m not just throwing shit out for effect. It was real, too real a lot of the time.Thats the problem with living on the edge all the time.
The adreneline rush was always there.Say what you will, living life to the fullest, pushing the envelope, risking everything, is better than playing it safe all your life. Safe is ok, but not for me. Go for the gusto while you can.For what it`s worth, when I say "biker", I`m not talking about some guy and his pals that bought Harleys and black leather jackets, and swagger around like they are somebody.I`m talking about the real deal, "hard cores", one percenters, the "real" bikers.AND, if you think all this is bullshit, then quit reading now, because that isn`t the half of it. I just tell it like it was, and thats strange enough. No need to embellish it. None at all.

Prolific

Ok, so I am just full of it.

I got to thinking about all the different women I could inhabit in this little funny fantasy..
A woman that came to mind very quickly was Katie Sagal.
I`m thinkin most of those that come here wouldn`t make a conscious decision to watch the show on fxe about a California motorcycle gang named "Sons of Anarchy"
This woman (Sagal) does an absolutely fantastic acting job. If the only Sagal you remember is her part in "Married with children", then you really need to see her playing this part. The woman oughta win a dammed Emmy for her work.
And for what it`s worth..I think the she`s hot as hell. Something about her just creates a stir in the loins. I know you can`t judge a book by its cover...But my opinion is she would be hell on high red wheels in bed.
I think it`s a pretty good show...pretty accurate in many respects, not so much in others. But then again, my personal experience is a bit limited. I`ve ridden in a club and partied with some others, but that makes me an expert by no means.
I`ll say this though. Every club has a mixture of all types. As I critique the characters, I find they all represent the broad spectrum of guys you would find riding in a club. Any club has need for many certain type individuals.
But.....thats a whole nother post..........

I guess I just wanted to say something about the quality of acting on this show....The subject matter wouldn`t appeal to everyone, but hell, even the Huffington Post spoke well of it.
I suppose I`m into it cause it is, in many ways, a look back for me.

I only go to this place because of a comment made. There was a time motorcycles, and clubs, and riding hell bent for election was all I did. Sex, drugs, Harleys, and hard partying were a way of life for something like ten years.
I`ve posted before about my reasons for walking away from that life.
It was ten years (give or take) that I`ll never forget or regret. What a fucking ride it was! Whew.....
I can`t say I`m sorry to have walked away. I simply moved on to a new and different chapter of my life.

That`s what I see for my time after doing the big retirement thing. Shit...I`m still in very good health, my mind is up to snuff (NO, don`t even think about saying that)
I can still get a respectable hard on, and have every intention of using it when I can I have many usuable skills and I`m really stocking up on the things I`ll need in my garage so I can do a little Harley engine work. Not a lot of work mind you, but enough to pick up some money through the year.
Do a little traveling, hit a few of the big events around the country.
So I see the opportunity to write a new chapter coming upon me. I`ve been through some shit in my life (as have many, many others) and I think it`s going to all add up to one helluva tale.

Imagination

I need to get the serious stuff out of the way before I get off on the tangent I`m on right now. Q.....I am gonna need some help..For the time being, I`m going to switch back to the old template. I still haven`t figured out how to get to the site thats hosting me now. Anyway, I need to make some changes and at least I know a tiny little bit about the original. Or so I suppose anyway.....If we can come up with a good common time maybe you can lead me through it using IM. Or tell me in an e mail if that will work. I just gotta remember where I stashed the original code. I just feel like a change I guess....So I`ll wait to hear from you

So what feather do I have up my ass today?
Actually, I went to, and read, a guys blog ......*GASP*
And he`s kinda cool. We don`t have much in common except our sexual proclivities.
Anyway.......He posted something about being able to have his mind in another body.....C`mon now...you already know where this is going.. Of course he (and I) would want to spend a day in a womans body. Ya see what happens......just give me a tiny idea and I can take it to an entirely new and complex level.
So I start out thinking of just that idea...My mind in a womans body......BUT WHO????? Hmmmmm, The very first name that came to mind was Catherine Zeta Jones..OH yeah!!!! Yes...I know, but she does it for me. Or Angelina....then I could get laid by Brad.
Is that sick or what
But...then I came back to earth....That might be fun...but......What might be more fun would be to "switch" minds with someone I know, Think about it.... I know I`d just end up staying home and playing with my body for hours on end. AND, she could play with my body.........

I`ll not get crazy here and talk about just how I`d explore the new body. just use your imagination
Then.....I just start thinking how it would go after you changed back. What a trip that would be..
The two of you would have SO much to talk about..
Talk about an intimate relationship...wow......
What a weird thought process huh? I gotta tell ya......I can`t decide who I would want to switch with...Every one I think of has a different reason to be her, and they are all great choices.. Oh well, I`ll just occupy my mind on this subject for a while and see how good a fantasy I can turn this into.
Oh yeah, if any one wakes up some morning, in a strange bed, with a woodie, you will know I figured how to make the switch work

9,000

Wow, I`m off on one of those tangents again. Wandering down the twisted corridors of my mind.

I`m struggling with the sex guy again.

I actually have moments when I laughingly wonder if I`ve got multiple personalities.

Sometimes the feelings just overcome me, pushing common sense and good judgement to the side in favor of my more carnal desires.

I`m at a point I`m looking at toys Seems odd though for some reason. I don`t know why...women use them, but it seems a bit pervy for a guy to use one...I`m checking them out to see whether it`s worth the investment. It`s not something one brings up in polite social conversation though.. Hey..anyone got a fleshlight they want to loan out for a demonstration? Yeah, Im sure that would go over well!

NO...I don`t think so! There are videos out there that show guys using them...and they are supposed to be made out of some pretty neat material that feels just like that soft flesh.
you know what soft flesh I`m talkin bout

BUT....enough of that!



SO...Damm .......9,000 hits! When I started this, it was just a lark, a way to puke out my guts.

But the best part is ...I made a few really cool and wonderful friends. Hell, you can go years in real life and not meet anyone that you can feel deep feelings about. So I feel very fortunate to have gotten close to a few of you. After I drifted away from daily blogging, the only ones who kept checking on me, e mailing me, were those who know who they are.

I do have a few regrets....I pissed off one of the nicest women I`ve met here.....She caught me on a night not long after the cancer deal and I was stoned on percosets. Said some really stupid fucking things....I have yet to try to apologize...just too frigging embarrased I guess.



I seldom wish for things to be different.......And never wish I was someone else, but if I could wish the wish, I would be younger and free...and I would chase this woman down and make her mine! She`s a woman worthy of respect..maybe I put her on a pedestal, but she is a woman I wouldn`t walk in front of, nor behind, but along side of..

Oh well...if wishes were horses, beggars would ride!

So 9,000 hits later I`m still here...I can`t seem to leave. Don`t really want to.

The woman I refer to above once told me to write for myself, not others...Somehow along the way, I started to overthink the things I was posting....started to worry about the effect of the things I said on people. Once I hit that point, something happened.... It wasn`t the real me anymore....I was (in a sense) playing a role...And I`ve made my feelings clear about my feeling this is a place I can be myself, say the things I want.

So I still post...not all the time, but I`m actually starting to want to get back into the swing..



Is it time for Thanksgiving again? DAMMMMMM, time flies even when I`m not having fun...



I now feel better....I`ll just write what I want and should someone not want to read it...then they have the option of not coming back.

Those who still come know what a perv I am, so that worry is long gone.....Not that there aren`t a few people in my real life that know how I can be.



Poor Maureen.....She is still fighting a vicious cold (flu?) and is very slowly getting better.

Hang in there girl!



Lanie.......a beer soaked mattress? Sordid?....damm now there`s a little afternoon daydream in the works.



Q........ A woman who understands my true depravity...and still talks to me...



Might as well throw in an HNT pic for the week...What the hell, I haven`t flaunted my skinny assed body in a long time anyway.....

HEY....some women like em a little on the slender side....slim and trim by golly....AND...I`m not skinny everywhere!

Kinda strange

So I`ve been my usual self...not paying a lot of attention to things happening around me.
I checked sitemeter today for the first time in who knows how long. I`m being read by someone here in town..well, not actually this town, but the one right across the river. They actually must have read quite a bit given the amount of time they looked.

Now we all know just how really goofy my mind works.
Hmmmm....put a little thought to it...
There is of course..any number of people it could be, and for any number of reasons to check the blog out.

BUT>>.
(A) I`m a man
(B) I`m also a mild perv ( a purely objective view, I assure you)
(C) I`m a very curious individual
(D) I like to fantasize

Hmmmm Who could it be?
Possibility number one. (not necessarily in order of believability)
It could be the woman that was the cause of my wild and bumpy entrance into the wonderful world of blogland. She knew the address..she posted a comment right after I started. Which...I do have to say, was quite polite. And she lives in that city.
Why? Hell, I don`t know...maybe she just had one of those days when in the process of reminiscing, I came to mind, so she looked me up to see what was happening.

Number two..It could be some hot, horny, housewife that accidently happened upon this place, was mesmerized by my wit and charm, fell in lust and wants to ......

Possibility three.... It`s a bunch of geeks at the community college psychology class using me as a class experiment.

All sorts of possibilities..........Why do I care? Not sure, just one of those things I guess.

AND....if that person reads this...leave an anonymous comment.....Why not?




OK, on to the other thing thats on my mind
No....what the hell, I`ll save that for another post.
I almost deleted the whole thing and said to hell with it...
Then I decided to post it anyway........BUT...I will end this by saying I really oughta not smoke a whole one all at once anymore....

Yeah....I know....What kinda role model am I anyway.

I`m just too set in my ways to change......If I lived in California...I could call it medicine. It is sorta in a way. I don`t go to bars, or come home and crank open a beer, sit, belch, and fart. It`s a harmless addiction...for me anyway....A gateway drug? c`mon....I`ve done almost every common illegal drug there is...Tried em and moved on.
More later...

Is it summer yet

Such weird weather this year.

I`ve made no secret of my dislike of winter. I know, I know, move south.......Nahhhhh

I`ll live with it, I have for this long, why not ride it to the end of the trip.


The one thing I do like about the fall are the cool evenings I can ride the bike. This late in the year, there aren`t many bikes out and around. After six or seven in the evening, the traffic is very light. Sometimes I just take it out for a ride around the interstate around the city then back home. Not a lot of miles, but it gives me that wonderful feeling of riding and getting the wind on my face.



Actually, there isn`t much happening in my life...kinda boring to be truthful.....maybe thats what I always seem to be seeking...that feeling of excitement in my gut, the feeling you get when you know somethings coming up, an event, a tryst, an exciting thing about to happen.



I am working pretty steadily on the Harley full dresser. That helps keep my mind
occupied and out of the gutter.
















It`s coming along, but now the little things start eating up time. The new exhaust pipes didn`t fit right. So now it`s sending them back and waiting for the rep[lacements to arrive. I need the exhaust pipes on before I can do a number of things....So I go out to the garage ...sit, burn a fat one, and ponder the next few steps.

So now I`m a facebook person...Hmmmm. I wonder how all this works....
So I guess I`ll find out.......Two of my favorite people are there.......

LESS THAN TWO YEARS........I can`t wait......Then I can get out and around....do something besides work and worry all the time...No trucks, no bitchy drivers, no busting my butt to keep the trucks loaded all the time, no more phone calls in the middle of the night...( when it rings at two in the morning....it`s NEVER good news.

BTW..Maureen...The guy that owns the dresser I`m working on lives in your neck of the woods.
I`ll most likely have it done in the middle of winter, but it would be so nice to ride it up there to deliver it to him....

I`m testing

I`ve been trying to upload some pics onto photobucket. For some unknown reason, they aren`t uploading. So I tried Flikr..no luck there either. So I`m going to try uploading a pic onto the blog.

I`m not sure whether it`s my ISP or not. Shouldn`t make any difference whether its here or there. The pics aren`t porn or anything, just bike pics that I want to post on a Harley forum.

Hmmmm. it comes here! I wonder what this is all about? These are the shagnasty tanks and paint job that came on the bike. The bottoms of the shagnasty tanks after I removed the paint.

No way these overly repaired puppies are going back on his bike...They didn`t appear to have leaked...All that brass color is brazing that was used to repair a leak. This bike has been crashed bad sometime in the past.but ..cmon...Am I going to rebuild this sumbitch from the ground up and take a chance on a future leak? NO Matilda...I`m not!

OK, I simply used another browser and it all worked great.

Here is my bike after the new carb and rear caliper

Fall Sunday morning

Actually, life is more or less ok. I`ve fallen back into the day to day existance. Get up, go to work, come home....I`ve decided to just kick back the next two years untill retirement. take the time to buy the things I`ll want when I have time on my hands. Bought a great used air compressor of caraigs list, a glass bead blasting cabinet as well. Got a 20 ton press last week. (used--craigs list again)
Man that craigs list is the coolest place to find stuff.
Two years and a little luck will set me up witheverything I need to make a few bucks working a a few Harleys a year. Not like I want to be busy all the time, just occupied (and making some money) doing what I like to do.
The full dress Harley I`m working on now is a good example. The guy didn`t really have a vision of how the bike should look when redone. He finally left it at "Build a bike you like"
SOOOOOO....I am....not sure how he is going to go for all the black, but there are a ton of chrome pieces to put on after all the work is done. Why build something that looks like every other dresser out there? Might as well do it like I would if it were mine...And I`m surely NOT like everybody else thats for sure!
So the weather is turning colder dammmm, now I need to heat the garage...one thing just leads to another...doesn`t it!